Sunday, February 21, 2010

Honest Scrap

Honest Scrap? What is it? It's a list of ten honest facts about yourself. This is mine, and, no, I didn't come up with the idea on my own. The good folks from the Shock Totem forum (and some of their bad folks too) have been passing around their own Honest Scrap for awhile, so I figured, what the hey? Why not join them. I've done posts like this before, so I was able to steal a bunch of stuff I'd written earlier, write some new ones and put it all together into the meaningless post you see before you. Have at it, and when you're done reading, why not post your own Honest Scrap on your own blog? If you do, come back here and let me know. After all, I've shown you mine, so I should get to see yours, no?

  • I miss my dog. We used to go outside and pee on trees and bushes together. He was cool.
  • There's this one long hair that keeps growing back on top of my nose. I pluck it out and it comes back up like a piece of bad meat. Trouble is that my eyes aren’t what they used to be, so I can’t always see it either. Usually I just wait until someone says to me, “Hey look, Haggis. You’ve got a big fat-ass hair growing on top of your frickin' nose.” Then I find it and pluck it out again.
  • I wrote my first short story since school days seven years ago. It was pretty bad. I kept writing, though, and finally had one I was pleased with. I submitted it for publication and someone actually bought it--paid me good money too. This whole writing thing seemed damn simple and I was more than a little bit ticked at myself for not seeking this easy money sooner. Then I subbed more. Then the rejections started coming in. Then more rejections. Then more. Sometimes things aren't quite as easy as they seem.
  • Favorite food? Anything with scales, fins, shells, wings or four legs. Preferably dead and cooked rare (except for sushi which I prefer raw). On the other hand, broccoli, asparagus, lima beans and Brussels sprouts are evil and should be eradicated. Sorry vegans. That stuff you eat isn’t food. It’s what food eats.
  • I was an evil child. As a young boy, I used to love tossing water balloons at busses. One time a friend and I decided to up the ante and pee into them too. His toss slammed into the side of the bus pretty good. Mine sailed through an open window, where it probably landed and exploded on the lap of an unsuspecting senior citizen or a young mother with five children in tow. Needless to say, I set a new land speed record hauling my sorry ass outta there.
  • A toy rat with flashing red eyes sits on top of my computer monitor at work where a stuffed raven also watches me from atop a filing cabinet. At home, a gargoyle stares at me from the monitor and a plastic owl searches for prey from her perch on my bookcase.
  • Dark, evil, supernatural stories are my favorites--stories that make people turn on a night light or stay awake all night shaking. These kinds of stories make me smile. And I can fall asleep like a baby after reading them. I don't believe in ghosts or evil spirits but they are surely entertaining. .
  • Back when I was about ten years old or so, I was at the doctor’s office having a physical exam or being checked out for one thing or another. The nurse handed me what looked like a milk bottle and told me to go into the bathroom and provide a specimen. I was clever enough to realize what a specimen was. I was not clever enough to figure out just how I was supposed to get the specimen into that milk bottle. No one had ever said to me, “Now, hold the bottle with one hand and hold your little twanger with the other.” They should have, because instead, I placed the milk bottle on the floor, stood up straight, and took careful aim, shooting from the hip (so to speak). Sadly, I was no Deadeye Dick, with more of the specimen landing on the floor than in the milk bottle. Naturally, I never confessed.
  • I'm going on six months without a cigarette. Still want one though, but I'm not going to have one. Through today, I figure I've saved $2,430 by not smoking.
  • I have difficulty counting to ten.

Okay. It's your turn now.


  1. Thanks for the laugh. I laughed until I got to how much you saved by not smoking.

    (Once, I smoked two packs a day. I'd have a heart attack if I bought cigarettes now.)

  2. Haggis, I got a giggle out of these too. And you know, I can see my sons doing the same thing with the specimen bottle. Heh, their aim is just as bad. I know... I clean up their splashie mess. Unfortunately, I still smoke ciggies. And have no plans to give them up for at least 11 more years. That's when my youngest turns 18. LOL... thanks for these Haggis. Great stuff.

  3. Thanks, Kay. Yeah, I don't know if I'd have a heart attack if I tried smoking again, but I'd surely have a lot more trouble trying to breathe. Apparently I'm more addicted to breathing than smoking. Go figure. ;)

    Effie, the ciggies really aren't as hard to quit as you might think, but I won't preach to you. I always hated that when I was smoking and I see no reason to start preaching now. You'll quit when you're ready. Not before.

  4. I love your darky dark animals in your room. I used to collect gargoyles. I think they're infinitely sweet.


  5. I believe everyone should have some kind of evil animal on or nearby his or her computer. My favorite is my raven. It makes me feel Poe-ish. ;)

  6. Very interesting post, Haggis.

    I now know SOOOOOOO much about you. :)

    although I already knew you liked to eat rabbits.

  7. A balloon filled with piss...

    Bit wordy. Why not just use the word Chihuahua?

  8. Hi, Kathy. Bunnies are good, but sheep are better. You don't happen to know any sheep, do you?

    Well, well, well, hello, MisterBastard. Doesn't MisterBastard have a ladder to fall out of today?