So, it's that time of year again. Those of you who know me know today is my least favorite day of the year. They know it from this post and this one too. Yes, it's Groundhog Day, and the little bastard Phil already lied through his teeth yet again. He claims there'll be an early spring. Who does he think he's phooling? It'll take six weeks just to melt the snow that got dumped on my town last night.
Phil--may his tiny evil skull be crushed by the weight of the snow collapsing his burrow in Punxatawney.
*pant, pant, pant*
I hate the little SOB, but I'm not going to go on and on like I normally do. Instead, I'll write one groundhog haiku, then shovel off my porch and sit there with my 12 gauge, waiting for another one of those little bastard groundhogs to show his face. If you want to play along, post your own groundhog haiku in the comment section. Or, if you'd prefer, a limerick would be just ducky too.
Here's mine:
O Punxatawney
Isn't it about time you
Kill that bastard, Phil?
Okay, let's see yours.
Go for it.
Twas the du morn of Feb
ReplyDeleteOl' Phil in his hutch
he was never a hog
of whom I thought much
Out of his hole
I pulled him quite fast
this morning, dear Phil
is proving your last
To his throat went my blade
it made quite a mess
but when it was done
I smiled, "God Bless"
Dog bless you, sir. That brought a smile to my face this cold, February morning.
ReplyDeleteI hope it warmed your chill, Steve. I can't imagine how you suffer in that deep snow...being so short...
ReplyDelete...and wearing no pants.
Mucklucks.
ReplyDelete...and fur-lined jock straps.
Ya know, a groundhog is nothing more than a chihuey with a degree in meteorology.
ReplyDeleteMisterBastard
Yeah, but that degree is usually below 32 Fahrenheit.
ReplyDeleteThere are vast differences between a groundhog and a chewyhuey, Mr. B...but they do both taste like chicken.
When exactly did I lose control of this blog?
ReplyDeleteThat was rhetorical, right?
ReplyDeleteIs a groundhog a vile, disgusting, repulsive prevaricating creature?
ReplyDeleteFixed that for ya:
ReplyDeleteIs a chihuahua a vile, disgusting, repulsive prevaricating creature?
The answer is yes, of course.
Toodles.
MisterBastard
There once was a groundhog named Phil
ReplyDeleteThat everyone in town wanted to kill
They put out some fruits
Ready to kick with their boots
But he ran with their food up the hill
I didn't know you had this post until today (It's still Feb and it ain't a haiku or limerick, more of a song - hope you like it anyway!)
ReplyDeletePunxsutawny Phil
by Tara Tyler
Punxsutawny Phil
Oh, Punxsutawny Phil
Come on outside
From your home in the hill.
Punxsutawny Phil
Oh, Punxsutawny Phil
We know it's so cold in the mornin.
Come up from your bed,
Poke out your little head.
Face up to the skies,
Rub your little eyes.
Look around for me.
Tell us what you see...
"NO SHADOW! Early Spring! Happy?!"