I’ve been a bad puppy. At least it
seems that way. But I never meant for it to go down like it did. Still, I
suppose it’s ultimately my fault, my responsibility and I’m the one who’s got
to make it right.
Let me tell you what happened.
About six months ago I received a
notice from my Medicare supplemental insurance provider—let’s call them “Purple
Cross Purple Shield”-- that my pharmacy had not collected enough of a co pay on
a prescription purchase I’d made months earlier. “This is not a bill,” they
assured me. “We will deduct the money from over payments you make in the
future.” Apparently they got tired of waiting for over payments, because last
week I did receive a bill in the mail for the full amount of the underpayment.
All 22 cents of it.
That’s 22 cents.
Cents, not dollars.
Cents.
Now, I have no idea how much it cost
them to send me that bill. The bill for 22 cents, that is. I have no idea how
much it cost them to enclose a postage paid envelope or if it will cost them
anything on their end when they receive it back, and I don’t know how much it
will cost them to process that payment when they receive it. All 22 cents of
it. But it didn’t make a lot of sense (that’s “sense” not “cents”) to me why an
organization that had handled my health care costs promptly and efficiently up
to that point would suddenly start hyperventilating over 22 cents, Then I read a little further into the letter,
and there it was. “The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services requires us
to attempt to collect the balance owed.” So it’s not Purple Cross Purple Shield
that decided to go into full collection mode over the 22 cents at all. It’s the
government agency charged with controlling health care costs. Now I was
beginning to understand.
On the plus side, the government
agency never claimed that I purposely withheld the 22 cents, but they did
insist on their right to a reimbursement of those funds. In a more perfect
world, the agency might have gone after my pharmacy, which, after all, was the
one that made the mistake about the amount of the 22 cent deductible. In a more perfect and reasonable world, the government would have written off anything under, say, $10 to $40 at a minimum, because is surely costs them more than that to try to collect it. Still,
that wouldn’t have absolved me of my guilt for…for…for whatever it is I must
have done wrong that ultimately put the full force of the United
States government all over my ancient ass
for 22 cents. Cents, not dollars.
Cents.
Twenty two of 'em..
Don’t think I’m down on government,
though. Not for a minute. Because they were there to help too. They wanted to
help me so bad they made me the following offer:
“We understand that even the smallest
unplanned expense can cause difficulty, and we have payment options available
if you’re unable to pay the full amount due at this time.” The full amount of which was--you guessed it--22 cents.
Let me be honest here. I thought
about it. I really did. After all, they are the ones who offered to set up payment
arrangements for the money I owed them—all 22 cents of it. They also assured me
not to worry that my coverage would stop “while we’re working this issue out.”
All 22 cents of issue. But at my age I don’t have enough time left to do all
the stupid that dealing with the government requires. So instead, here’s what I’m
going to do. I’m going to write out a check for 22 cents. I’m going to put my
account number on the check like they asked, and enclose it in the prepaid envelope
along with the handy payment coupon they also mailed me. But before I drop it
in the mail slot, I’m going to enclose one more thing—my request for a written
receipt.
